Hey all,
I thought I'd call on those of you that semi-regularly visit here for some help. Specifically, I'm working on the poem that David Raphael Scott will set to music for a CBC-comissioned piece commemorating the tsunami in Southeast Asia in late 2004.
My involvement in this project is predicated on the fact that my great great grandfather was one of the Governor Generals of the Dutch East Indies, which of course became Indonesia (Aceh, on Sumatra's northern tip, was the hardest hit by the wave).
The Dutch conquered Aceh during my gg the GG's tenure and was inherited by Sukarno/Suharto's administrations. A hundred years later, when I was visiting Indonesia, in midst of the first free elections since 1955, they protested against Indonesian rule.
The kicker is that I didn't find out about this connection until two months ago. I had no idea that there was any family history in Indonesia, that there was a museum in Jakarta with a picture of my gg the GG in full imperialist regalia.
As you might expect, I've written and am still writing poems based on this connection but the poem that David will set to music has almost come due.
He's asked for a single poem consisting of "five short contrasting stanzas (4 to 10 lines)."
Though the May Day project, I'd been working with a really short lines, but I've had to dispense with that (or face the fact that each stanza would consist of approximately a dozen to two dozen words). And so, after perusing my journals from 1999 and poring over tomes on the Dutch East Indies, I have two poems and two visions for the poem.
What I'm asking youse guys for is multi-layered: does one version work better than the other? Why? What about if it's sung instead of on paper?
Thanks heaps.
* * *
Version 1:
1899
Inventory of goods: palm oil petroleum rubber coffee tea tin
cinchona indigo Mestizo typhoid opium war war
The Governor General arrived in Batavia
where the Dutch kept colonies coolies and calm
except for the incursions into Aceh
except for the ache of soldiers leaving the field of war
except for the fields of poppies
and the only thing I shared with him
a hundred years later was leaving Indonesia
1926
Inventory of goods: bananas cassava cloves corn coconuts
sweet potatoes bedclothes basins baby blood blood
She died delivering the Governor General’s grandchild
like she was a bag of sugar moving from the delivery room
to the cemetery as her husband boarded the steamer
for the Dutch East Indies as scheduled
1999
Inventory of goods: petroleum natural gas gold silver
pepper timber tin Indonesia independence rally rally
We knew you’d inherited your dark hair from the grandmother
we’d been taught to call Oma but we had no idea
that we were walking the roads that led my great-grandfather away
as buses full of soldiers and supporters of Aceh headed north
as water buffaloes in their paddies lifted feet out of the muck
shifted their weight set hooves down
2004
Inventory of goods: rice sardines tsunami orphans
rebels rubble water water water water water
The fault ruptured south to north from Thailand to Sri Lanka
the kick of the blunderbuss the kidnapping the dead
ran south to north from Batavia to Banda Aceh
the fault line blurred when Batavia became Jakarta
as colony became country but the mouths of the cannons then
the correspondents now all murmur: Aceh
Version 2:
1840
exports: pepper areca nut rice coconut copra
imports: cloth silk thread lutestring sugar candy dates
chinaware frying pans spices stock fish
muskets gunpowder iron nails knives hoes hoes
1899
exports: coffee tea sugar tobacco pepper
cinnamon cochineal cotton indigo
Minangkabau Mecca trekker malaria Aceh Aceh
1901
exports: palm oil petroleum rubber
coffee tea tin cinchona indigo
Mestizo typhoid sword guerilla gun gun
1926
harvest: bananas cassava cloves corn coconuts
peanuts soybeans spices sweet potatoes
Eurasians basins bedclothes baby blood blood
1937
government monopolies: rubber gutta-percha
bus lines coal mines tin teak forests
Batavians salt pawnshops opium opium
1999
exports: petroleum natural gas gold silver
tin timber bauxite nickel copper coal
Acehinese banners soldiers rally rally
2004
harvest: rice sardines tsunami orphans
rebels rubble water water water water water
water water water water water water water
4 comments:
I backchanneled a missive...
I prefer the first, because of the details, but I’m wondering if you can actually go between the two versions and cut some of the stuff that’s specifically about your family, but keep in some of the political history stuff? (i.e. take out “great grandfather” and “her grandmother” - though I love “the only thing I shared with him/a hundred years later was leaving Indonesia” )
Could you do something parallel with 1899 and 1999 like end the latter with something like:
A hundred years later I had no idea
We were sharing the roads that led the Governor General away
Did David S. give you any guidelines at all? I’m sure if you gave him 2 versions he wouldn’t mind having options to think about how the rhythms would work, etc.
Don’t get this line: “as colony became country but the mouths of the cannons then”
Good luck and I’d be happy to look at new iterations…
Hi - what about if you didn't use the past tense - made it more immediate and cut out the extra words it takes to put it in the past. You've got some great potential for rythym and I like the mixture of list and narrative - I think a combination of the two poems might give you a more lyrical movement, which might be desirable in a sung piece. I agree that the composer might like to choose between two versions. I like the ending of the 2nd version, but do think it would benefit from the bit of history in the first version. I love the progression you get from the lists alone in the 2nd, but with an added personal history I think a listener might learn more. Great poems! I think yer a genius!
Jill
Thanks, everyone. Much appreciated.
A.
Post a Comment